Signs of change

Fig is definitely slowing down. Over the past 10 days he has begun to walk a bit more stiffly, and his appetite has fallen off enough that I pushed up the schedule for his next steroid injection, since that treatment usually stimulates his appetite. Sadly, it has had only a moderate effect this time, and he has only shown real interest in handfed slices of deli ham. He follows me around the house when he is not looking out the patio doors at the birds, and looks imploringly at me with his big, bright eyes as if I must know what he wants. If only I did!

It is probably time to contact the home euthanasia vet to see how much lead time she needs to come out, and to acquaint her with our situation. I find myself loathe to make the call, though, as if by acknowledging that Fig is closer to death than he was a month ago I am hastening the reality, making it more concrete. Ah...the recurrent battle between the rational and emotive minds.

A friend commented that Fig is fortunate to be ignorant of his fate; he is free to live each day without worrying about his death. I have wondered if Fig does have a sense that he is dying, and if he does, what that means to him. Surely he doesn't have a "bucket list" of achievements to be checked off before he dies. Fig is a much more temporal creature - he is focused on whether or not he'll get bonito flakes with his food, if his litter box is cleaned promptly, if there are birds at the feeder, and what might be of interest in the garage. He is more of a "live for today and tomorrow will take care of itself"kind of guy.

Worrying about the future seems to be more of a human preoccupation. Well, if you consider the preparations for winter that squirrels and their kin make, perhaps we can include them. But they are more likely reacting to a genetically programmed reflex to shortening days. And they are taking action, rather than succumbing to anxiety-induced paralysis - a good example for all of us.

There is a balance to be struck between living mindfully in the moment and prudently preparing for the future. A balance that Fig cannot model for me. But he is a cat, after all, and has more important things to think about: "Are you done with your computer yet? I want some more ham - now!"